I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
we're so committed to being not committed
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
