I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
