She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
