Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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