Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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