i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i will never coherently bang her
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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