How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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