watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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