I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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