don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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