This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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