Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
