You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
