Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
