what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
