Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize