people are starting to question the shark bite story
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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