I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize