If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
This toilet bowl is my home.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
