I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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