u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
