Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
