he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
