I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
