all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
this is an emotional support booty call
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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