What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
