Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
