Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
