i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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