You're a womanizer and a bitch.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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