He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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