one two three fourrrrnication!
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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