Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
