I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
