Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
where are you?
Hypothermia
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
