the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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