CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
