I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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