I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
People with herpes should wear stickers.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
