we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
