It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
