She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
