she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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