I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
