I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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