alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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