Your mouth is God's brothel.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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