if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
