not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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