Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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