Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
