I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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