Your tits are I can't wait for
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize