just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
