ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
