Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
