went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize