no, he came in my armpit
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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