gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
