what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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