You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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