He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize