you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize