wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
