if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
