I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
