There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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