she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
