My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
where are my eyebrows?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
