I want you more than these girls want KFC
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
