So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
