I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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