Whod you bang
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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