How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
