so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
should my penis look like a turkey
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
