He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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